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What’s really holding you back? Truly?

chanman · Oct 7, 2018 · Leave a Comment

If we start from the position that we all have potential, then why is there a gap between where your potential self is and where you are at the moment?

How big is that gap? What is your true potential? It might be that your true potential is way more than you think it is. In which case, the gap is even bigger than you know.

Step one is where you are now.

Step two is looking at where you think your potential is. So this might be being a writer or being an artist.

Step three is discovering where your true potential might be (and you would need help from outside to discover this). This might be being a rocket scientist, climbing the world’s highest and most difficult mountains.

Step four is addressing how to bridge that gap and narrow it as much as possible.

Do you think that you can achieve step two and step three?

If you don’t think you can, then something is holding you back.

It’s a mindset thing for sure.

A great example of opening up your mindset and horizons is what learning how to swim has done for me. Even after my first lesson, when I couldn’t really even finish a length of the pool, I was looking up scuba diving holidays. Now after three lessons, I’m thinking about taking up wild swimming in rivers and taking up surfing. This is all stuff that I’ve dreamed about doing but thought it was pure fantasy. Those are the sort of things that I come up with when asking myself “What’s on my bucket list? What would I love to do?” And now it’s all possible. My horizons and possibilities with regards to swimming and watersports have expanded.

Now if I asked myself about step 3 (discovering where your true potential might be), what’s possible with my swimming? What couldn’t I even contemplate or imagine before that first swimming lesson? Swimming the Channel or swimming the Hellespont? I wouldn’t have dared dream about that a month ago. Now it’s possible. Maybe not likely, but possible. Hold on, why isn’t that likely? Maybe I’ll think differently after I master the freestyle stroke. Imagine once I get to 1,000m without stopping, maybe my horizons with regards to swimming will be so far from what I can imagine now? Maybe swimming the length of the Thames? Who knows!

So what was holding me back?

Why has it taken me until I’m 39 to finally address my terrible swimming and do something about it? In my head, I told myself that it was because of my eyes that I couldn’t swim because of my poor eyesight. I’m a minus 4.0 in my left eye and a minus 0.75 in my right eye. This means that I can’t really see anything without contact lenses or glasses. And glasses or contacts don’t work in the pool. That’s what I told myself and that’s why I couldn’t go swimming to learn in the past 10, 15 or 20 years.

This was probably bullshit. Stuff I told myself so that I wouldn’t have to do it. Now that I’m 39 and thinking about having kids soon, I think it’s really important that I learn to swim. Just in case I ever need to and to teach my kids and just for the sheer joy of being good at a fundamental human skill.

The solution was ridiculously easy. I just googled ‘prescription goggles’ and it was SO cheap and easy. £15 for prescription goggles. Now swimming is something that I look forward to.

How easy was that?

What’s something that you want to do and what’s holding you back?

How can you break through? Maybe it’s that you want to be a singer. So how about taking a singing lesson. £100 for 5 lessons from a professional singing teacher. Or maybe you want to be an artist. Go on a short course at a decent art school. I did one for about £350 for 10 x 2 hour lessons at Chelsea School of Art. At the very least, it’s fun and you’ll find out whether it’s something you want to pursue. Let me know what you want to do in the comments below!

Slow the fuck down. How taking your time a bit more will help you enjoy your day.

chanman · Oct 5, 2018 · Leave a Comment

I’m generally rushing and multitasking most of the time. I want to squeeze in a podcast in the shower, watch self-improvement videos on YouTube, read business books on the bus to work. I cook quickly, wolf it down and wash up like a dervish.

Two things I’ve read recently have made me question this mode of doing stuff.

Firstly, I read a great article on Medium by Aytekin Tank (which I haven’t fully digested yet). It’s called: Why reading 100 books a year won’t make you successful. In it he says reading as many books as possible in the shortest amount of time won’t make you successful, and that actually it harms the very reasons why we should read in the first place:

(1) it destroys reading for pleasure. The best books I’ve ever read are probably the classics such as War and Peace, The Odyssey, and The Iliad. There’s no way I read these speed reading. I read them for pure pleasure. Not at a lazy speed, but just at the speed where I got huge pleasure from reading. (If you haven’t read them yet, please do yourself a favour and do so! You won’t regret it!)

(2) if the aim is to read as fast as possible, the speed likely hinders the

Secondly, I read a great chapter on Derek Sivers in Tim Ferriss‘s seminal book Tools of Titans where he describes how he does a long bike ride where he pedals hard and strains and sweats and which always takes him 43min to complete. One day, he did the same ride where he decided to take it slow and chilled and has a great time noticing things that he normally doesn’t like the ocean and pelicans. When he finishes the ride, and looks at his watch, he’s shocked to see that the ride took him just 45mins! 2mins longer and he had a much better time doing it.

Mind blown!

Try slowing down now. Some of the benefits are surprising.

Let’s start with reading.

With Ayetkin’s article in mind, today I started reading some of Laszlo Bock’s famous book Work Rules!: Insights from Inside Google That Will Transform How You Live and Lead. I tried to read it slowly and make sure that I wasn’t skimming and speed reading. I waited for my attention to catchup with my eye on the page. I stopped every so often whenever I wanted to and looked up from the book and a few seconds later (again when I wanted to), I started reading again.

5 mins went by. 10 mins went. Then 15 mins and I had to get back to work. But that was a very pleasurable 15 mins of reading. No judgement on myself for how much I read or didn’t read. Just a state of flow.

It’s very hard to make yourself slow down reading but just try and remember to do so. Don’t beat yourself when you forget.

Enjoy it. Slow down.

Is an antilibrary, on it own, really such a good thing?

chanman · Sep 23, 2018 · Leave a Comment

Much has been written about Nassim Taleb’s famous passage in The Black Swan about the antilibrary. (Farnam Street and Maria Popova)

From The Black Swan (p1, 2008 Random House International Edition)

“The writer Umberto Eco belongs to that small class of scholars who are encyclopedic, insightful, and nondull. He is the owner of a large personal library (containing thirty thousand books), and separates visitors into two categories: those who react with “Wow! Signore professore dottore Eco, what a library you have! How many of these books have you read?” and the others — a very small minority — who get the point that a private library is not an ego-boosting appendage but a research tool. Read books are far less valuable than unread ones. The library should contain as much of what you do not know as your financial means, mortgage rates, and the currently tight real-estate market allows you to put there. You will accumulate more knowledge and more books as you grow older, and the growing number of unread books on the shelves will look at you menacingly. Indeed, the more you know, the larger the rows of unread books. Let us call this collection of unread books an antilibrary.”

“We tend to treat our knowledge as personal property to be protected and defended. It is an ornament that allows us to rise in the pecking order. So this tendency to offend Eco’s library sensibility by focusing on the known is a human bias that extends to our mental operations. People don’t walk around with anti-résumés telling you what they have not studied or experienced (it’s the job of their competitors to do that), but it would be nice if they did. Just as we need to stand library logic on its head, we will work on standing knowledge itself on its head.”

“Let us call this an antischolar — someone who focuses on the unread books, and makes an attempt not to treat his knowledge as a treasure, or even a possession, or even a self-esteem enhancement device — a skeptical empiricist.”

My take on this is that if you have a library or collection of books, and you have read them all, then you probably think that you know a lot more than you actually do. Say you had 100 books in your collection and you diligently read them all, you might think that you were knowledgeable and well-read. Whereas, for example in Eco’s case, if he’s read 100 books in his collection of 30,000, he’s as well-read as the person in the first example, but he has the added insight that he’s still got 29,900 books to read in his collection and all that yet-to-be-discovered knowledge and wisdom. He’s as well-read but knows that he’s only scratched the surface.

So the value then of an antilibrary is to remind yourself that in the grand scheme of things you don’t know very much at all. As Diotima said about Socrates: Wisest is he that knows that he knows nothing.

So besides that value (a visual reminder of your true lack of knowledge) what good is an antillibrary if you never actually make attempts to make inroads into it?

Furthermore, surely not all antilibraries are useful or worth having. What if you had a huge antilibrary full of pulp fiction like Mills and Boon?

What if instead of randomly acquiring books, we carefully built an antilibrary with different pillars of knowledge, like we were building an actual library for a town or building a bookshop? That would be better. So if it contained science books, philosophy, history, and great literature, that would surely be a better antilibrary.

Here is my antilibrary which definitely hasn’t been deliberately built. It’s scattered around at my dad’s house and at my flat. (It’s missing a box as well as my Kindle antilibrary which is growing to be massive. It’s so easy to buy Kindle books as they’re instantly fulfilled and always significantly cheaper than print books)

antilibrary

antilibrary antilibrary antilibrary

What’s your antilibrary like? Let me know in the comments below!

These are my 10 favourite places to eat in London

chanman · Sep 18, 2018 · Leave a Comment

I often get asked by my friends to suggest places to eat in London. Eating and drinking are two of my favourite pastimes.

London eating and drinking is very hit and miss. There’s far more terrible and average places than good places and when London is so expensive, that means that most places are awful value for money.

Here’s my favourite places based on quality, atmosphere and value for money:

1. Padella, Borough Market

This is the best pasta in London. It’s great value and there’s no reservations, so get there early or be prepared to put your name down and wait. The queue can be massive. Pop off to the Wheatsheaf pub nearby for a drink whilst you wait. The stand out dish here is pici cacio e pepe, so unctuously cheesy and peppery. The pastas are small plates so order lots and share them around.

www.padella.co

2. José Tapas Bar, Bermondsey Street

Insanely good tapas at this small bar on Bermondsey Street. It’s almost always busy but the wait isn’t long and you’ll have to stand most likely. The sherry is excellent and the jamon is superb. Definitely get the scaldingly hot croquetas, probably the best in London.

josepizarro.com

3. St. John Restaurant, Clerkenwell

A London institution. Fergus Henderson pioneered nose-to-tail eating and this shines through the menu here. Get two helpings of the famed roasted bone marrow on sourdough, and leave room for multiple puddings (here the word ‘pudding’ suits better than ‘desserts’.  The house wine is own label and always excellent.

stjohnrestaurant.com

4. Motherclucker, Brick Lane

My favourite fried chicken in London bar none. Check out the outpost just off Brick Lane, near the Truman Brewery and Rough Trade.

motherclucker.co.uk

5. Bread Ahead, Borough Market

These cheese and olive sticks are worth going to Borough Market on a Saturday on their own. Wait for  fresh batch piping hot from the oven. They sell like the proverbial cheese and olive sticks. An absolute bargain for the quality of bread.

www.breadahead.com

6. Kulu Kulu

When all you want to do is stuff your face with as much sushi as you can eat, head here for well-priced decent sushi. Some days even have 10% off your meal. It’s pretty basic conveyor belt decor but the sushi is very good and you can eat for fill for under £30 for 2 people.

vince1526.wixsite.com/mysite/shelton-street (slightly strange url)

7. Barrafina, Drury Lane

Another tapas place to make the list. My favourite branch is the Drury Lane one. Get the Rabo de Toro and a glass of Oloroso sherry, and a few croquetas and a plate of iberico.

www.barrafina.co.uk

8. Dirty Bones, Carnaby Street

Need I say more than this photo? This is The Mac Daddy, described on the menu as “Double brisket & dry aged steak burger topped with pulled beef short rib, mac & cheese and espresso-spiked BBQ sauce on seeded brioche”. Mmm. Enjoy with one of the finest sides I’ve ever eaten: Crispy Lamb Fries, described as “With crispy lamb, sweet miso, red chilli and jalapeño”.

dirty-bones.com

9. Pizza Pilgrims, Soho

Superb value Neapolitan-style pizza on Dean Street. Sit on the bench outside facing the iconic Toucan bar and watch Soho life go by.

www.pizzapilgrims.co.uk

10. Bone Daddies, Soho

Get the 20 hour pork bone broth Tonkotsu and load it up with extra eggs and fresh crushed garlic. Wash down with a Kernal IPA. If you’re really hungry, get the fat, juicy, chicken wings too. Immense.

www.bonedaddies.com

UPDATE! (19/09/2018)

11. Bleeker, Victoria and Spitalfields

I completely forgot to add Bleeker Burger to this list! This double cheeseburger is one of the best burgers I’ve ever eaten. Ridiculously juicy, ever so slightly greasy. Just meaty goodness.

www.bleeckerburger.co.uk

Did I miss any off this list? Let me know your London favourites in the comments below!

What is psychological health?

chanman · Aug 28, 2018 · Leave a Comment

I’ve written quite a bit on mental health in the past. Articles like:

  • How can we improve mental health?
  • Try this breathing exercise for stress release and getting rid of cortisol
  • Crush your OCD with this one question
  • Defeating anxiety and stress

But recently, I’ve been wondering about another question. What is psychological health? We hear a lot about what mental illness is but what about its opposite? What does a psychologically healthy person’s mind look like?

Much in the same way as an out-of-shape person has to aim to be an in-shape person, a person struggling with mental health has to know what they’re aiming at for in order to be mentally healthy.

It’s oddly tricky to find a good article about this on the internet. Try searching for ‘what is psychological health?’ and you don’t get much back.

But then I remembered I’d read an introduction to psychology book when I was younger, possibly whilst still at uni. It had a bit in it about what constituted psychological health. I found it after much searching at my Dad’s house.

It’s called Introducing Psychology by Nigel C. Benson and it’s a synopsis of the history of psychology. It’s got some superb diagrams and cartoons all designed to help the layman — ie. me.

In it, there are two theories about what constitutes psychological health:

The first is from Abraham Maslow. According to my edition of Benson’s book, at p.111:

Psychologically ‘healthy’ people show:

  1. An objective perception of reality
  2. Acceptance of their own natures
  3. A commitment and dedication to some type of work
  4. Naturalness, simplicity in behaviour, and spontaneity
  5. Independence; a need for autonomy and privacy
  6. Intense mystical/peak experiences
  7. Empathy with, and affection for, all humanity — including strong social interests
  8. Resistance to conformity
  9. Democratise characteristics
  10. Keenness to be creative

The second is from Carl Rogers. According to my edition of Benson’s book, at p.112:

The psychologically healthy person shows:

  1. An openness to all experiences
  2. An ability to live fully in every moment
  3. The will to follow their own instincts, rather than the will of others
  4. Freedom in thought and action, eg. spontaneity, flexibility
  5. Much creativity

Check out Benson’s great book here.

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