A few women I know are online dating. (I won’t say who they are.)
There’s a lot of angst because they’re not finding the right guys.
They’ve asked me for advice when we’ve been out socially so I thought I’d write a quick post about it, so it can help others.
Here are some tips for optimising your online game.
(It doesn’t matter which platform you use)
Your photo is everything. Find your best photo. Don’t ask your girlfriends to help you.
You need feedback from the target audience: Men
Ask guys in your office. Ask your brother. Ask his friends.
Show them a selection of photos you’re considering and get them to tell you which is is the hottest pic of you.
Whichever one that is, that’s your profile photo.
Why not your girlfriend’s opinion?
Because it’s like asking your auntie what she thinks of your business plan instead of asking your target market.
What she thinks is a good idea is not at all.
In the same way, what a girl thinks is hot is generally not.
Your description is less important than your profile photo.
But if you want to cast your net as wide as possible and catch the most fish, this is a great opportunity to get it right.
We don’t respond well to lame descriptions.
Nothing says you’re a generic girl like ‘I love to learn new things. Love Sunday roasts and walks and wine by the fire.’
Nothing try-hard either.
Just tell us something real about yourself. Showing that you can laugh about yourself without demonstrating low-self-esteem.
Tell us you have life-long friends that you love and you’ve instantly set yourself apart from the majority of women online that seem to have no friends.
Most importantly, tell us what you want in a man and in a relationship.
Be real and honest. Don’t try to be laddy if you’re really a lady.
Don’t write what you think we want to hear.
You attract what you put out there.
Be clear what you want. You’re looking to polarise. You want to attract some people and repel others. This is what creates interest and not indifference.
Indifference is the worst thing you can get in online dating.
A strong outline might be:
I’m from xxxx. I love living in xxxx. I do xxxx and I love it. Although I am also interested in xxxx (back this up).
My interests are xxxx (not just eating burritos – although add that in.
The reason I’m on here is xxxx
I love to do xxx with my spare time.
I’m looking for xxxx in a man.
I’m looking for xxxx in a relationship.
Message me if you’re interested.
It’s confident and direct which demonstrates you’re of quality caliber. Again, ask your male friends to critique your description as you did with the photo.
You will get a lot of attention from men.
Statistically, women receive 10x the number of messages online than men do.
(See this article for more detail. It’ll make you feel better.)
These will fall into two buckets.
Men you want to pursue and men you want to delete forever.
The problem is you will be less cool with the former than the latter.
Being cool is essential.
Guys really want to chase. It’s not a cliche. We love a challenge.
If you’re too accommodating, we lose that opportunity of the chase and we’re disappointed.
Sounds absurd but it’s true.
Be cool, when all you want to do is jump his bones.
What to wear
Just look like you’ve made an effort. Wear something a bit feminine.
Wash your hair. Put a bit of make up on.
Smile. Have fun. Enjoy yourself.
Follow the above rules and start beating them off with a stick.
Hit me up with any questions in the comments below!