For lots of guys, changing up your style can be an uncomfortable experience.
Loads of thoughts start running through your head.
“That’s a bit tight. Won’t I look like I’m trying too hard?”
“I could never pull that off.”
“Only tall models would look good in that.”
“My mates are going to take the piss out of me.”
And then you think twice about your style change. You stick with what you know. With what’s comfortable. What’s safe.
Unknowingly, you’ve just met with what Steven Pressfield calls The Resistance.
In his book The War of Art, Pressfield calls anything that gets you away from the path (in his case creativity and the creation of art) as Resistance, obstacles that you put in the way.
Many of these things are of your own doing.
Take the above thoughts running through your head.
There are two ways to approach these. You can run away or you can smash them down.
I think you can guess which I’m advocating.
Defeating Your Internal Resistance
It’s all very well people saying ‘Get confident’. But how do you just magic confidence out of thin air?
I’ve got two methods
1) The method I recommend for acquiring comfort and confidence is the Steadily Increasing Exposure Method.
Simply put, you’ve got to gradually increase your exposure to the new state you’re aiming for.
For example, if you want to wear a blazer and jeans combo, but you’ve never done this before, don’t just jump straight into a situation that you know you’ll feel uncomfortable in, like a large gathering of friends and family.
Try baby steps first. Wear the outfit down to the shops where you know you won’t encounter anyone you know. Then go for coffee in it. Realise that no one is looking at you in a weird way.
Then try going for dinner with your other half in it. Or with your family.
Who knows, you might even get some compliments out of it.
Or you might not. This is the worst case scenario and it’s worth pointing out that it’s not that bad an outcome!
If someone says you look weird or you’re trying too hard, who cares?
Ask them why they think so. What’s their feedback?
Are they style authorities or are they just negative people who love to pull you down.
In which case, you can attach less weight to their opinions. They’re just being negative.
For objective feedback, go to someone you trust. Hell, come to me. Send me a pic of your outfit and I’ll be honest AND constructive.
2) The Smash Your Self-Doubt To Smithereens Method
This is all about getting to a place in your head where you just don’t care what people think of the way you look.
Go so far outside your comfort zone and boundaries that everything becomes comfortable.
Wear fancy dress down the street. The more ridiculous the better.
Wear really tight tops and tiny shorts.
Who cares if people are looking? They’re not going to say anything.
This is about recalibrating your comfort threshold or more accurately your discomfort threshold.
Go shopping for groceries in fancy dress. Enjoy the attention, good or bad.
Soon you’ll get comfortable. Soon you just won’t care. This happens after about 10 mins.
Congratulations. You’ve successfully adjusted your own discomfort levels.
You’ve realised that the world won’t end if people are looking at you for the way you look.
So now let’s get back on the style journey and get you looking how you want to look!
Let me know in the comments about your internal resistance and how you plan to overcome it!